"Hey Everyone. Merry Belated Christmas and a futuritive Happy New Year.... and lol I have the holiday blues"

Hey so how am I feeling this vacation?

It's not really a feeling of depression this holiday season. It kind of
nags a bit at your soul. Or maybe that little feeling bit in your heart
that is fatally connected to your brain that kinda goes screwey and
stuff. Or it could be some little part of your finger that's cut and
you really need a bandaid for it but it kinda is at a joint so the
bandaid will eventually fall off because you really have that part of
your finger in motion all the time.

....
....

You know on second thought I'm gonna stick with the nagging at your soul answer.

Its really a feeling of disappointment in your whole self. Hey I know
that kind of sounds really egotistical or self-centered and such, but I
really think that this is the whold reason for the blues. It's kind of
like you letting yourself down all the time.

Kind of like when you really try to use your will power to not do
something and then.... BLAM!!!!!  ....... you're puking all over
yourself.

lol
It's really quite depressing like that. That is really distressing.

It feels like putting allot of effort to make your mom a birthday card only to lose it due to your own carelessness.

I mean how stupid is that?

lol

It's like planning for two weeks for an event then for the last minute
(literally) everything falls apart like some kind of dried shit through
your fingers.

That sort of thing.

This was really a distressing realization for me because hey, I'm normally a happy guy.

I thought nothing could really get me down. I mean really nothing.

NOTHING.

But I find that the only chink in my armor is one that I made myself.

Dam I suck at planning, I suck at will power, I suck at keeping track of shit.

I put myself down and that's just it.

well no happy smiles for me, but I still want to wish anyone who really
tries and attempts to read my entries A very Belated Merry Christmas
and Happy New Year.

Lord knows I'm not feeling it but i hope to God that no one else feels like this.

~jason

"FREE THE MACHINES DAMMIT!!!! AND DAM THE FUCKING MAN!!!!!"

Y'know what's funny? The other day I was judging a speech tournament at Mckinley and a fucking pepsi machine caught my eye. Actually a pair of them. They were both imprisoned in this insurmountable, impenetrable steel cage.

Needless to say my friend and I were taken aback. Agast if you will with the horror of how fucked up you have to be if you have to put a muthafuking strong box over your mutherfucking pepsi. Dammit.

So with this as fuel for the fire we took it upon ourselves to... well make asses out of ourselves as we spoke out for like a good half hour in horror and fury about how this is "THE MAN!!!" trying to put us down.

It was both amazing and hillarious at the same time. I was amazed about how much bullshit we could spew about how this puts down our civil liberties and freedoms. And how these machines represent how "the fucking man!!!" locks down us all in our so called "land of freedom". "Pffff... land of freedom. I'll see a land of freedom when my pepsi brothers here are free!!!" we spewed. Also hilarious at the same time because we were so entranced and were concentating so hard on what bullshit we could come up with next, we sort of forgot were were in a public place... and shouting. It was fucking hilarious and our old speech coach was just nearby. I'd like to think he was laughing too because it was a while since he heard us making asses out of ourselves. You know what sucks though is that no one from any of the speech teams joined us in our idiotic escapade. Dam back when I was a contestant you could get any of these crazy speech and debate people to rally to your cause. So what everyones gotta act serious now? Dam kids just don't know how to make asses out of themselves anymore.

Mostly though I think it was a good chance to blow off some steam before finals. This i think was a very good thing. I think everyone should do stupid things like that before any stressful activities. i think i clears the soul and frees the mind.

... just like the pepsi should be freed.

Be free pepsi! Run, Run Free!!!!

"Happy Belated Thanksgiving and thank the lord for turntables"

So i'd like to wish everyone within shouting distance: HAPPy Thanksgiving.

...

and i don't give a shit if its 4 days late. hahahahah

i'm a fucking dumbass.. hehe but nevermind that.

So I had a great thanksgiving. The whole family went over to my cousins house and eveyone had a good time. My mom was spectacular that she didn't have to cook anything. My dad happy that all he had to do for a whole day was eat, drink, and play cards. And my brother was extatic over the fact that my cousins turntables came in only a day or so earlier.

And me....

Well my uncle cooks this freking badass shrimp that is just freking .... i dunno badass so i was happy for that.

oh yeah and getting all this shrimp and gravy and shit all over my cousins records he took so much time to dig through. nah i didn't do that but i kinda had the best of all comers. I didn't have to help prepare shit, I get to play dj and spin some weird shit, I got to play some cards and win a little extra cash from some very drunk and angry relatives, and the best part is the shrimp.

....

wow y'know if that's all it takes to make me all reflective and thankful and shit then i truly am a simple man.

oh well i just have to guess i am.

so i haven't updated in a while. what else is new. No one in their right mind updates everyfreaking day.

....

well not really no one. ok i mean just me dammit!

haha. i mean i dunno i really have a hard time finding the time to get to a computer and write senselessly anymore.

I miss those early days when i was so fresh with vigor and sparkling and shining with electrical energy that i woudl just write aimlessly about anything like it was disentary of the fingers.

I mean I really hate turning on the computer just to program shit now. Ahhhhh I hate doing programs! I dont' even give a shit if that's even simple stuff.

I hate making 40mb excell files only to find out what i was doing for the past 7 hours was a waste of time. I hate staring at diagrams and graphs with that entirely lost feeling and impending failure looming over my head.

I'm sick of piles of homework waiting to be done weeks ago. this is pissing me off.

but y'know what?

I guess someone has to know this shit.

Well i guess i'm just gonna have to keep on keeping on.

hehe well what do you know... perseverence. At least i'm thankful for that.

oh yeah and my family too.

peace